“A woman has to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.” ~ Mae West

This brings me to tonight’s topic.  As much as I hate that I’m admitting this, I have been single since 2010.  Don’t feel too sorry for me quite yet.  I have had a string of unrequited and confusing relationships over the last year in a half.  So many that I wouldn’t be able to recall them all.  As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches it dawns new light on why I and most of my peers are still single.  Personally speaking I have dropped the ball in selecting an adequate partner, enter my “quick list”.  A list of “Types” to avoid or in my scenario to never go back to…

*The Anti-Social Type

*The Cheap-Ass Type

*The Liar Type

*The Booty Call Type

*The Hider Type- The guy that enjoys meeting your friends and family but never introduces you to his.

*The Indecisive Type- This guy can’t make up his mind if he wants you or not.

*The Game Player Type

*The Lazy Type

*The Online Dating Type- This guy emails, texts and calls but never meets you in person.

I have actually dated every type that is listed above.  The world has changed when it comes to love, romance and relationships. It has become a war zone out there!  Now I’m sure most of you are thinking that I’ve lost my mind or seem bitter.  Not the case.  Love REALLY is a Battlefield.  It’s a war out there and I’m loaded with hand grenades and shot guns!   I have learned to be prepared.  Danger and ambush are lurking at every corner and I refuse to settle or be taken down!!!

As a Generation we have completely dropped the ball.  We work our asses off at our jobs and even when it comes to friends and family.  When it comes to dating we are lazy!!  What happened to building a relationship based on communication?  We can’t even pick up the phone to call the one we are interested in.  We text, and mostly so because its convenient and lazy.  We are also jaded.  Men, have you ever spent a good deal of money on a woman at a bar hoping/assuming you are getting “in” or at least a number at the end of the night? Then come to find out she plans on going home with her friends and you are left with a smile and a bill.  And women, have any of you spent 2 hours getting ready and looking fierce to meet up with that guy you have been interested in for months, only to find out last minute that he cancelled plans?  If you are single the odds are stacked against you.  Men tend to see some women as “crazy” and possessive.  This is due to the D-bags in YOUR species that stand us up, play games with us, lie to us because its easier than being honest and play with our emotions.  And women, the reason some of those fellas are playing those games is due to the stuck up, skinny bitch who is more concerned with getting her hands in his pockets than “returning the favor”, so to speak. 

Wouldn’t it be delightful to not have to play the game?  Not to assume but to know what the other person was thinking and feeling?  Me too!! Until then I remain locked and loaded.  

Okay Listen…so bounce-n-curls and I decided to go out to dinner tonight, the obvious choice was Red Lobster.  So during our 50-min wait and our discussion over men, love, and other drugs we started to play a game.  The Would You Rather Game.  This continued once we were seated.  Enter in our waiter, Travon, a tall and attractive for black man; formerly a marine with a vivacious personality.  My-oh-my what a personality Mr. Travon has.  From the moment he asked, soup or salad, he had us rolling with laughter.  Unlike most waiters, we didn’t mind him coming back to check on us, over and over and over again.

 Back to would you rather…so bounce-n-curls and I decided that we should include Mr. Travon in our game. So his most entertaining answer was to the question of, Would you rather be really intelligent (super-genius) and have only one bestfriend (and everyone else hated you), OR would you rather be dumb (D- student) with a plethora of friends (this included living at home and working at a car-wash).  His response was “Hell yeah, I’d pick the intelligent option, because with intelligence, I could take care of myself, get an amazing job, and pay people to like me” and then as me made an orally suggestive motion towards his mouth, he explained “I’d have women coming up to me asking for hundreds on their foreheads, just to suck my dick.”  You can imagine how the rest of the conversation went.  This was one of the most interactive and entertaining waiters we have ever encountered.  

Now we are nearing the end of our meal, and out of the blue, he asks us if we are in relationships or “talking” to anyone.  My response of course was, “Ha, how many?” and bounce-n-curls giggles, smiles and says “mmm, kind of”.  How quickly I was dismissed and the focus turns to bounce-n-curls. We’re talking fly on shit, people.  I don’t even think we realized it, but, he was totally coming on to her.  We’re not talking subtly, we’re talking full on, because let’s face it, anything with Travon is gonna be full-on. He literally said, I’m gonna giver her my number and grinned.  Moments later we received our checks, and as promised, on the back of bounce-n-curls receipt was Travon’s number.  Now, flattered and bewildered, she smiles, looks up at me, and asks, “Is this really happening”?  Spouts of laughter erupted from the table. Because bounce-n-curls is old-fashioned, although she accepted Mr. Travon’s number she hesitantly wrote on the back of his copy of the receipt, her name and number, with the caveat that she never makes the first move.

So ladies and gentleman, as I wind this story to the end, we are waiting to hear if Mr. Travon makes the first move.  I think a choir of interracial angels are singing in the background…until next time….

The parody of Kanye’s Monster

Okay listen!  Ever seen the movie,  ”Someone Like You”?   I have, many, many  times.  It has become one of my favorite movies.  This is because of the theory presented throughout the film.  The New Cow Theory. 

The concept comes from a woman who fell for a man who was in a horrible relationship.  Or so he claimed.   He fell in love with this woman while falling out of love with his current girlfriend.  They make plans to move in together and he convinces her that they are in love.  This soon changes once he breaks it off with his girlfriend.  After a few weeks, he is reluctant to move in with this new woman and becomes incredibly distant.  Seeing her man pull away, she confronts him.  Wondering why he is acting this way.  He doesn’t want to go through with moving in together, and wants to end it.  He claimed he needed space.  This left the woman devastated!  Leaving her to re-evaluate her process with men and why they do what they do.  She births the theory of The New Cow! 

OVERVIEW OF THE NEW COW THEORY:  Men are bulls and women are obviously cows.  Please feel free to chuckle.  Once a bull has his way with a cow he is no longer interested in her.  He never goes back where he has already been. Thus moving him on to a new cow.  Old cow is never heard from again.  (LMAO)

In a few of my personal experiences, I can relate to this theory.  In many cases men get what they want from one woman and then move on to the next, leaving the first woman wondering what happened and what she did wrong.  I am not saying that ALL men fit into this theory, but those who do…..you know who you are!!  Woman can hype up a relationship. We convince ourselves that we are in the same place that the men we date are in.  If we become more confident within, and not worry about trying to find that ONE guy and just relax, we could kill The New Cow Theory.  Although if men worked up the courage to be up front with us instead of leading us on to avoid “hurting” us, I doubt we would create “relationships” with them in our heads.  Think on that for a bit.

Feb 4, 2011

HILAR!!!

Okay LISTEN.  At a recent “work party”, the hostess had her ipod playing in the other room, providing a soundtrack to the festivities.  She set her playlist to Rap. A personal favorite of mine!  Back to the point, we got to discussing the songs that played a huge role in our adolescent years.  Well it brought me back to some of my favorite memories.  I’m sure you can conjure up a few song associations.  The first time you get the chance to dance with your high school crush at the school dances, (Stairway to Heaven).  The first time you get high, (Ditty).  The songs that you play when you and your friends blare the radio once you get your drivers license, (Going Back to Cali & Apartment).  I could go on forever.  My adolescence had an awesome soundtrack!!

I find that the older I get, I still have “background music”.  The songs that play during a night of incredible sex.  Road trips with friends.  That one song that gets you amped for a workout and even an interview.  Music moves me!  I love hearing a song that keeps my attention.  One that I want to hear over and over and over again.  Powerful. Sexy. Emotional. Exciting.  I have such an amazing soundtrack…What song associations can you conjure up?

More interesting topics are to come: Broken bones, Masturbation and the relationship people have with their pets.  Until next time…

Jan 18, 2011

Someone close to me stated the following today, “ You know it’s an accomplishment when you stand up and you can see your own pussy again!!”  HAHA

Cant make this shit up.  Tears from laughter are still rolling down my face.

Jan 12, 2011

Okay….LISTEN, So Ive been super sick these past few days, hence the lack of BLOG entries.  Anyway, is it just me or are others suffering from the annoyance of falling asleep when you sick and stuffy?  I swear that I find it harder to get a good night’s rest when I’m sick than any other time in my life.  The reason, SNOT!!!  Gross but totally true.  Its insanely annoying to wake up after a few hours of sleep because you cant breathe due to one side of your nose being completely stopped up!  All I’m saying, is that I want to be able to sleep the whole night through without waking up from a breathing barrier!  That is all.

Jan 11, 2011

I was watching the movie Going The Distance this morning and this youtube clip was shown in the film.  I laughed so hard that my eyes started watering! Too cute.

I’m in love with this song…and Drake!! Ahhh