Okay, listen...
Sally has two Mommies!?!?!

Okay, LISTEN… So Im over at Jugz’z house sitting on her new couch….oh by the way, Ive decided to alter the names of my family and friends to protect their identities. Anyway, back to Jugz. While we were chillaxin’, munching on some carbohydrates provided by J & G’s and slurping on some diet root beer through pink sipping apparatuses, we came across a preview for the film ” The Kids are All Right”.  For anyone that has not seen this movie, it is quite graphic and touches on the topic of having two gay mothers.

This brings us to tonight’s topic of Jugz’z tumultuous past.

The story begins with the divorce of Jugz’z parents when she was in the second grade.  The Perrysburg school board felt that it was in Jugz’z best interest to begin visiting the school appointed conselor.  Since she cannot remember the counselor’s name, for entertainment value we will call her “Ms. Stash”.  Ms Stash was a middle aged, stout woman who wore a lovely double breasted yellow sport coat and had fuzy fur like brown hair. She also sported a female friendly stash (only somewhat prickly).  After weeks of visiting Ms. Stash, Jugz gathered enough courrage to confess to her that infact her Momma was a “Lipstick Lesbian”.  To Jugz’z surprise, her appointed confidant nonchalantly replied, “Yea,…I KNOW…” and proceeded to hand her the infamous children’s novel, “Sally Has Two Mommies”.  Eight year old Jugz was infuriated!! 

I dont know about you, but this was not in any way a solution to Jugz’z childhood trauma.

In reality Jugz’z mother was lured away from her father by a sadistic man-hating butch of a lesbian. “Butchy”, we feel, suffers from a severe case of penis envy.  As you can see, this particular incident does not infact relate to Sally and her “loving” mommies.  For all of you interested in going into counseling, when working with children of gay parents, think twice before offering “Sally Has Two Mommies”. Better yet, burn that mother fucking book.

On a lighter note, I feel that nothing is to bad that it cant be fixed with a bottle of NyQuil or a bottle of wine…… just ask Jugz!

And if there’s one thing Ive learned form tonights entry, its that all women will always go after the bad “boy”!

Have a great night, I know we will. Until next time….

Jan 8, 2011

lesliesrealityis:

Reposting from Chrislikes.tumblr.com.  She finds the most interesting things to say.  It’s kinda amazing. 

Threesomes anyone???

Okay LISTEN…..For as far back as I can remember, Ive known men to strive for one ultimate fantasy: A THREESOME with two chicks. (For those that are internet savvy “FMF”.)

So my question to any men out there brave enough to answer, Why isn’t one woman enough?  Don’t get me wrong I’m not against threesomes or judge those that participate in them.  Personally I find that there is WAY to much going on. Who gets to go first? Is there enough room for everyone on the bed? Who’s turn is it now? Its exhausting, the amount of multi-tasking that needs to go on, just saying!!

 Is it the hope of men that the women partaking in this act of pleasure, will loose interest in pleasing the guy and become more focused on one another?  Um fellas, if this is your hope, good luck in your search. We are talking about 15% of the female population.  Play your cards right boys…you never know what could happen. :-D 

So to all my ladies out there …..what should we do about this epidemic putting pressure on our sex?  Should we unite and agree to be open-minded and become sexually expressive? Or stand our ground and not give into the question that is occasionally asked at least once in a relationship.

Tonight’s entry has taken a less humorous tone, ummm sorry about that.  Hilarity will return.

Jan 7, 2011

WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Barcelona.  I would only pack panties, lingerie and heels. Or perhaps Paris, so I can sit around and eat baguettes with butter and drink wine all day. That sounds like happiness to me.

Jan 6, 2011

It’s gotten so bad, I keep it in my bag…but I’m okay with it, just sayin’

Okay, LISTEN…

Can my boss just never fucking come to the store?

I don’t know if anyones ever had a boss like ours, I like to think of her as a dramatic blonde dictator and a woman completely off her rocker.  I wish I could say that I was kidding, when I say that she had my store boss and I on our hands and knees cleaning base boards in the bathroom singing “Its a Hard Knock Life” (Jay-Z style, of course).  I mean honestly, who does this? She instills the fear of God in everyone she passes.  She causes panic attacks so bad, I actually find myself taking to a bottle of Nyquil to fall asleep at night (sippin’ on some sizzurp, just sayin’).

If you’re hands aren’t black, apparently you’re not working… I’m at the point where I should rub black eyeshadow on my hands to get out of doing all the shit she wants done.  Not only is the Dictator, OCD, but she’s close-minded and uncultured.  Don’t get me started on Greek Food.  She didn’t know what a fucking olive was.  Where does she come from? Oh right, Michigan. It’s like she went from birth to now, and has absolutely NO experience.  She asked one of my coworkers what a blowjob is…I mean, really, how do you get through life not knowing how to use that skill? She’s a 40-year-old MARRIED woman. Even, my virginal friends know what that is, just sayin’. Oh, dictator, I wish I could say I loved you. 

However crazy she may be, she does have her silver lining.  That’s all I have to say about that. Not trying to confuse my avid readers.

Where’s my Nyquil?

Jan 6, 2011

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals… French Whore Panties!  This song reminds me of my new panty obsession, plus it’s pretty damn good music.

Anyone like my little steps on the page?

Cause I think the little white things look like steps, just sayin.

So, okay LISTEN…

People can’t understand me.  It literally took my typist ten minutes to understand my title.  Yes, I have a typist. She inspires me. It’s really quite fabulous. 

Okay, so like… okay so like, I feel like I need to tell everyone about my panty problem.  It’s not what you’re thinking. I work at a plus-size clothing store, a quite fabulous one I must say, way better than VS. Our collection this season is what I would consider to be inspired by French whores, which I LOVE!  I could be obsessed.  An intervention might be needed.  I have spent over $100 on panties and lingerie in the last two weeks, and I’m technically single…AHAHAHA! More about that later ;).

Okay, a little bit about myself, in case you are wondering who the hell this person is, and if you already know who I am, sorry…or…you’re welcome. I’m 27, a college student, and a retail manager for women of the plus size variety. Some would describe me as a southern neurotic, a motivator for my crazy-eyed boss, a calmer, a temptress, a jokester, and everything that is covered in between.   My friends all tell me I should start recording the shit that comes out of my mouth, so here we go…

First Blog entry: Jan 6, 2011     11:00 pm